Chapter 8: Gonal-F

I wasn't planning on getting on tonight and penning down how today went because it's just been that kind of day... However, I'm determined to try my best to write a little each day, even if it's not worth much. At least I'll keep working at putting my best foot forward when it comes to this process and using this platform to document that going ons of our #fertilityjourney.

My morning never really got started today; it was more like jagged, interrupted bouts of sleep that started at 4 AM and lasted 4 hours until I finally gave in and got up. My husband suffers from back and neck spasms, and they act up every so often, usually when he goes to play ball after a while. Except he hasn't been going, nor did he do anything strenuous over the weekend, so we're not sure what happened but he may have just slept in the wrong position.

He starting making disgruntled and pained sounds around 4 AM, which is when my eyes opened reluctantly to check on him. Reluctantly because I had a little over an hour before I needed to be up for Fajr, so I wanted as much sleep as I could get, not because I wanted him to writhe in his pain. I'm not evil, alright.

It took 4 hours of tossing and turning, and heating pad, and back brace, until I finally got up at 8, grabbed a PBJ that I had packed for his lunch the night before, and brought it up to him with a glass of milk. After helping him sit up, I slipped him a muscle relaxer (his doctor prescribed it to him last time this happened but he hates taking them), helped him with his breakfast, and then went down to my makeshift workspace (dining room turned into a second office), to get started with my workday.

He slept soundly until 6 PM, but I had a miserable headache. I'm now guessing that it's because I didn't sleep, or rather I didn't wake up, as well as I would have liked to this morning. I tried to nap in between my class sessions, but that never goes as planned, so I ended up just laying on the sofa trying to rest my eyes between each lesson. When he finally was able to come downstairs, I put rice on the stove for dinner, then retreated back to the sofa. My headache was probably worse than I had actually felt it, seeing as it took me less than a minute to finally fall asleep.

Bad timing.

I woke up to my husband nudging me, "It's burning!" I jolted. I got upset at him because he went back upstairs without turning the stove off, or even to low. I was annoyed at myself for falling asleep when I knew I had something on the stove. I seethed because I had effectively burned rice for the first time, and I KNOW how to make rice. I was just in a bitter mood after that. It was not great timing though, 7:30 at this point, which meant it was time for the injection site to be prepared, the medication to be mixed, and the injection to be completed.

Oof.

Remember what happens when I'm anxious? Almost the same thing happens when things just are not working out like they are meant to. It seemed as if they really did not want to today. I was snapping at my husband, poor man, as he tried to mix the saline with the medication properly. Mind you, I've never done it before either. But at least I have some real world experience of working around hospitals and doctors. He's never even been near one save for him annual (rare) appointment. We eventually figured it out together how to do it properly: take the top off the bottle, cap off the injection/plunger, screw on the longer needle, stick it in the bottle, turn the whole thing upside down with the needle submerged in the liquid, slowly pull the plunger back until all the liquid is in the injection needle, turn it back over and take the bottle out, replace the long needle with the shorter needle to use for the injection site, "pinch an inch, jab, and let go." #alloureggs

It took a couple gos at making sure all the medicine had gone in to the injection before we were sure we did it right (still not 100% certain, though haha). I'm pretty positive that he was just scared he would hurt me. I told him to just make sure he angles the needle at 90 degrees and then slowly puts the medicine in. I felt it once I let go of my pinched stomach' it bled a drop, but otherwise, I am okay.

I had snacked throughout the day because I didn't want to have to eat after the medicine, just because I didn't know how I would feel, and I'm so glad I did. I barely had an appetite, was just really thirsty, and mostly wanted to take it slow (which could very well be due to the fact that I just need to sleep).

. . . .

I had set a 25 minute timer for chicken tenders in the toaster oven for tomorrow's lunch, and forced myself to sit down and write this while those cooked. I'm glad I did. The timer just went off, the chicken is done, lunch is ready, and I was able to document today and all the feels. I'm more than certain that this amount of detail would not have come out of me tomorrow.

My monitoring appointment is on Wednesday at 8:25 AM. I had to change it from my usual office to the one further again because of a male physician working, but it's okay. I just hope the elevators are working this time and it doesn't take forever to find parking. I'm not sure what to think about it yet. I'm going in for this step for the first time, wishing that my husband could be there with me to share the news the doctor gives us, but hopeful that we will be able to go back soon for the actual IUI.

Please send prayers and good thoughts our way. This is where the fun begins. Bismillah.