Chapter 3: Start of IUI Cycle #1

I had an anxious night.

I know yesterday I said that my husband was going to take me to the appointment, and then drive me home, before he went to work. I guess I hadn't even considered that I would do this without him. And then, we were just in bed chatting about the appointment and I was telling him he might have to wait in the car which is when it hit me that he may not even be able to come in. I should have known that he definitely would not be able to come, especially after all the stories I have been hearing from others regarding how strict their clinics have been with all the new restrictions.

So I went down to message the nurse on my care team, and just had a sinking feeling as I was sending her the message. She responded almost immediately, letting me know that I would have to come alone and my husband would not be allowed. I don't know why it bothered me so much but my anxiety skyrocketed overnight, even after I slept through the night.

. . . .

I was up at 7 AM this morning for my appointment. I actually had to go to a different location than my usual clinic since there was only a male physician working at my usual office. Especially when I had an ultrasound today, I would not have done it with men in the room. Just doesn't float my boat haha. So my appointment that was meant to be at 7 AM was switched to 830 AM to a clinic a bit farther away but it was with the same doctor who did my HSG back in October, so that eased my nerves some. Whenever I'm anxious, things just play out in such a way that cause my anxiety to spike even more than it already is.

I got to the location, no problems. But for whatever reason, parking was so full that it took me a full 10 minutes to find an open spot, which meant that I was now 10 minutes late for my appointment. Cue level up. Then I finally park and go inside to take the elevators to the fifth floor, and the elevators are being SERVICED! Are you kidding me. One other lady had just come in before me and I could just tell that she also needed to be on the 5th floor. She kept eyeing the door to the stairwell. Except it had a card scanner next to it so neither of us even tried to check if it was unlocked. Waited a couple minutes (felt like 20), and then someone walked in who I'm assuming works in the building, and she casually walked straight to the stairwell doorway, popped it open, and went on up. I snapped out of it and went to grab the door, holding it open for the woman who had come in right before me. Maybe it was the exertion from the heat or my unreasonably warm cloth face mask, held in place with my pinned up hijab, but by the time I made it to the 5th floor, the anxiety was at the top of the rollercoaster and I was struggling to breathe. I just turned to face the wall, pulled my face mask down, and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself and slow down my breathing. I definitely should have had a glass of water or something before I left the house this morning. It's always hard for me to breathe when I become that overwhelmed.

That's when I hear the doorknob rattling and realize that it's the same woman trying to open the door. We knock on the doors, one closest to her, and the one I was next to, and both are locked. I'm almost 20 minutes late to my appointment at this point. I knock a couple more times and a little louder on the door nearest me, and finally the doctor who was next to it, pushes it open. "I'm so sorry! Are you two patients? What happened? Are the elevators not working?? My gosh, you've had yourself a whole workout this morning!" We quickly told her what happened and she told the front desk staff, who got us checked in and settled down just as fast.

I didn't have to wait long before I was called back for my blood to be drawn. Took even less time than that for me to be called in for my ultrasound. I double checked with the nurse that it was only women on my care team and she assured me that only female physicians and nurses were working today. Leveling down.

When the doctor came in and I realized she was the same person who had done my HSG, I kid you not, I could finally breathe. She had been so sweet and thoughtful then, and it just helped me to think straight. We went through the process: feet in stirrups, bottom at the edge of the bed, slide on down, lay back straight, and relax, expect slight pressure, and oh!, look at that. I turned my head to the right to look at the screen and she showed me my uterus lining and both ovaries, all of which looked good. I was relieved. I hadn't realized that I was so worried about my ovaries not looking good until she told me that they were young and excellent. Who doesn't want to hear that?

She told me that once my regular doc got a chance to look at my results and gave me the go ahead, I would be able to start my protocol tonight. According to her, I was ready to go. My nurse from my care team had already put in the order for the Letrozole last night, so I was able to pick it up from the pharmacy on my way home. The entire drive back, I read the three constant duahs that I spent all Ramadan reading. Clearly it worked because I felt so much calmer by the time I walked into the house. A couple hours after getting home, close to 1 PM, a got a voicemail from the nurse saying that everything was set to start. I should call CVS Caremark to setup the delivery of the remainder medications - Gonal-F, Ovidrel, and the dreader Prometrium (I honestly think I'm looking forward to the Prometrium even less than I'm looking forward to the shots ugh) - and they would be delivered to my house in the next few days.

All this to say, day 1 of 5 of Letrozole starts tonight. I have to take it between 6 and 9 PM so I'm aiming for 7:30/8. Still some anxiety remaining. But also trying to be hopeful. This is the first time we are doing a medicated cycle. I do not like meds. I definitely do not like needles. So I'm not thrilled. But we're going to do what it takes to get what we've been praying for. Tie your camel and all that. Bismillah. Keep us in your prayers. I have no idea what side effects might come out of all this and I can be a pretty little nightmare, so I should probably go warn my husband now.