Chapter 27: Hardest and longest wait of my life

The two weeks following my transfer were a mix of any emotion I have ever felt. Sometimes, I would have my feet propped up on the couch, wrapped up like a burrito, with yet another episode of The Crown playing, when I'd unconsciously lay my hand down on my abdomen, only to notice minutes later. I would move it out the way then. I believe in destiny, but I don't believe in karma. I didn't want to jinx anything. I do believe in the evil eye. More than anything, I didn't want to give myself nazar, if there was anything to put nazar on.

Four days after transfer, I lay in bed late at night unable to sleep. I had been feeling minor cramps but didn't think much of anything. I knew that the speculum could cause the uterus to contract for a few days. I didn't want to spend too much thinking of what those cramps could mean, though. That night, I purposefully placed my hand on my lower stomach, and then my husband's hand on top of my own. He had been avoiding doing anything of the such for the past few days. I knew why. I just wanted to feel like it was real for a few minutes. That night, as I felt the cramps again, I prayed and prayed that it all meant good news. Since it was only a few days past my transfer, it was way too early to know anything.

The whole two weeks, I did not step a foot out of the house. With covid cases on the rise, we didn't want to take any unnecessary chances. I got my groceries delivered and saw family over video calls. I stayed in bed all night and moved to the couch during the day. I didn't cook, I didn't lift, I didn't do anything that would require any physical exertion of any sort. Maybe I went overboard. Who knows.

A couple days later, I noticed some brown spotting on my liner. I had to continue my progesterone and estradiol the whole two weeks as well so I would watch to make sure the discharge was normal and nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn't concerning but I did keep it in the back of my mind as the week continued. I spent the week eating chicken ceasar salads with avocado (even though I hate the texture of avocado), tons of boiled eggs for breakfast, and a lot of protein for dinner. I avoided all kinds of tea and coffee, even the decaf kind, because I didn't want to accidentally screw things up.

Besides the cramps, extremely random food cravings that my dear husband fulfilled at every beck and call (bless his soul), and feeling VERY tired all the time, there were no symptoms. I took a minimum of 3-4 hour naps each evening after work, and still was sleepy by 9 PM. I don't think I managed to stay up past 11 PM any of those nights. And I'm a night owl. I can easily stay up until 2 AM and be up for work the next working. It's just hard for me to sleep at night, no matter how early I get to bed. So the extreme tiredness and just toal full body fatigue really made me think. Yes, I know, don't symptom spot but when there's only thing you're waiting for, it's hard to do anything but symptom spot.

I spent all of my days wishing, praying, hoping, that this would be the treatment to finally work. I had my beta appointment scheduled for 9/28, exactly two weeks after transfer. As we crept closer and closer to the end of September, butterflies took up permanent residence in my belly, and I ached for all of this to finally be real. Oh, how I prayed.