Chapter 17: IUI Cycle #2

Hello, all.

I've been quiet here for the past few days. I took the time to step away, reflect, recharge, and regain strength in starting again.

It's Monday night; I'm on cycle day four. I started spotting Thursday night, which is the same evening we got to my inlaws. We were there for the weekend. It just so happens that the past few times I've started my cycle, it has been while we were there as well. I've realized that I don't prefer starting a new cycle anywhere but home. Either way, I had talked to my husband on Wednesday, and he wanted to jump right back in to our next cycle. I was a little hesitant, but then I agreed. We know that my body did react to the medications like it was supposed to. So when the knee-buckling cramps started Thursday night, I knew that this one was going to be hell. Adding on the withdrawal bleed that was sure to come, my Friday was spent in excruciating pain all day. I contacted my nurse when I woke up; we scheduled out my baseline ultrasound appointment for Sunday at 8:15 AM. Generally, I would stay in bed with a heating pad watching movies all day. Instead, I ran errands with my brother in-law's wife and we got to catch up for a few hours. It was good to finally be able to talk to someone who knew what we were going through, and would just listen and support us through it all, without asking questions.

The rest of Friday and Saturday were spent with the family. I was dead on my feet by the time I got into bed Saturday night which helped me to fall fast asleep. I woke up without any trouble on Sunday morning. I got dressed and drove myself to the clinic. I got there earlier than I needed to, but at least I didn't have any parking troubles this time! I also didn't have to be stuck again - no blood draw! They had already done one to check for HCG so it wasn't necessary to do again.

I had a new doctor come in this time to do the transvaginal ultrasound. She was extremely sweet and welcoming, very warm. She even showed me and told me exactly how many eggs she was able to see on both ovaries. I didn't get that number last time, so I don't have anything to compare it to. I've heard that it could vary each month, but it would have been nice to know. I had four eggs on my right ovary, and five on my left, and no cysts, alhumdulillah. The doctor had told us that it is possible for ovarian cysts to develop as a side effect of the medication, but it was a risk we were willing to take.

I started Letrozole Sunday evening, so I took my second dose tonight. I need to call the office back tomorrow morning to schedule my next appointment, which should be on cycle day 11. That would put us at July 6th. I'll probably have to call CVS CareMark again over the weekend so that they can deliver to rest of the meds. I had planned on going to visit my mom next week, but will probably just go midweek this week and stay through the weekend. That way, I'll be able to sign for the delivery and be home when I'm shot up with all those meds next week. Speaking from experience, I know I'll want to lay on my couch and not move a muscle.

I'm hopeful for this round. Statistically, chances increase with each IUI, as the body becomes familiar with the medication. Or at least, that's what I have read so far in my research. There's always so much more to read and learn through this entire process. My doctor wants to us to stick to the same protocol that we did last cycle, so that's a good sign.

I am trying to hold on to hope. Hold on to positivity. Hold on to the fact that there is still a part of me that is a mother, even without a child in my arms. Mothers should be coined mothers the minute they decide that they want to be mothers. I truly believe in mommas and mommas at heart, no matter what happens or where the wind blows. It's not something that ever gets easier or ever goes away.