Chapter 16: Failed Cycle

It has taken me some time to muster up the energy to sit down to write. Even though I had been home testing, and was anticipating the answer from my nurse when she rang me at 1:35 PM on Monday, I still felt an air of nonchalance.

I realize now that I was protecting my heart.

It was not until I was in bed that night, after it had been a full 24 hours of stopping Prometrium and Estrace, that I felt my first cramp. Knowing the blood results, I knew that these were period cramps, and just that twinge of pain, actually physically feeling the continuation of my cycle, is when it hit me. I did not want that pain there. I did not want to be cramping for this reason. Angry, heated tears streamed down my face as I clutched my pillow to my abdomen, wanting it to end.

I sobbed myself to sleep that night. I spent the next day in bed. It took me a few days to start feeling like myself again. Today is four days after the blood test. I still have not started my new cycle; the moment you're actually waiting for it to come, it likes to take its sweet ol' dandy time. I messaged my nurse this morning and she said if full flow doesn't start by the upcoming Monday, so in another four days, then to give her a call. It can take 2 - 7 days. So we shall see what happens. For now, I'm taking a breather and relaxing. Enjoying my time off meds. Feeling more awake, alert, and oriented, and ready to tackle the next cycle.