Chapter 12: Free day, IUI day, and 1dpiui

Hi friends!

Okay, I have been meaning to document each night but I have been T I R E D. Without even doing much of anything. Friday was tiring due to work related things. But I've already talked about Friday, so let's pick up where we left off...

. . . .

On Saturday, I was actually doing pretty well when I woke up in the morning. We had to run out to go drop my car off to get servicing done. On our way back home, we grabbed breakfast and coffee from Dunkin. My mother in-law really wanted to come over, as she had been asking for a few days now. At this point, she knew I had an appointment early the next morning so I knew they wouldn't stay the night which helped me be less anxious. I'm already anxiety ridden before appointments so I just need the space and quiet then. They came over around 330/4 PM and stayed until 10 at night. Midday is when I really started to feel the ovidrel working. I would equate the ovulation pain to my most uncomfortable and painful cramps. It hurt to even move. Thankfully, they picked up lunch on their way over and we ordered pizza for dinner, so food was not a worry.

I was just in so much pain from the Ovidrel working and doing its magic that it made me think if this is what it's meant to feel like each month around the time when a woman is ovulating. I only ever remember feeling cramps like that once in the past year that came ten days or so before I was due for my period. I guess I just didn't realize then that it was ovulation pain and not PMS pain. The things we go through, I swear.

Anyway, that thought got me to thinking how because we're doing IUI and our immediate families know about it, it's so open that if it doesn't work this cycle, that means we didn't conceive. If we were able to conceive the normal way like the 7 out of 8 couples who are able to do so, then no one would be the wiser about when I was ovulating or when my two weeks would be up. It seems so invasive. Yet a little comforting to know that the families know it may not work. It's such a weird thought though. No one ever texts or calls me every other month to see if I'm feeling okay during my two week wait haha. The oddities we face while going through fertility treatments seriously continue to wow me.

I was beyond exhausted after they left Saturday night. I just wanted the fan on blast and my warm bed, hoping to fall in to a blissful slumber and awake for Fajr. Since when do things always go the way we hope, though? I fell asleep pretty immediately but was up like an owl at 3 AM.

Wide. Awake. WHY.

I tried to stay in bed for an hour, willing myself to go back to sleep. But of course, it didn't happen. I was worried about the procedure. Worried about missing Fajr. Worried we would oversleep. Worried we would miss our appointment. Worried that this cycle would be for naught. Worried.

. . . .

I finally got out of bed Sunday morning at 430 AM. I spent an hour praying and making duah and just hoping wishing praying to God to let me be at peace. We had to drive about 40 minutes away from home for my husband's appointment time at 9 AM, got breakfast from Dunkin before my appointment, and then made it back to the office at 10 AM for my 1015 appointment. The front desk receptionist had made it very clear that no one else was to be allowed in with me. My hands were shaking when it was time for me to go in. I kept taking in deep breaths every few minutes. I did not want to go in alone.

Remember how my bowel decides it's time to go when I'm nervous or anxious? When I walked inside and checked in, a nurse came out to the front to make sure I was here, let the front desk staff know that they were ready for me, and called me back into a room not even a minute later. She told me what would happen, but just before she left, I had to ask her to use the restroom first. Boy, am I glad I did. You can imagine the rest... or don't.

When I got back to the exam room and got ready for the NP, I was constantly repeating my duahs out loud. I was so relieved when she came in and immediately started talking to me. I cannot take it when doctors or nurses don't talk to me. It makes me think of all the things I don't want to think about and just heightens my claminess and anxiety. She checked with me to make sure our names were right on the specimen sample, made me sign a form, and then walked me through exactly what she was going to do.

When she saw on my chart that I had an HSG done back in October, she told me, "Oh hon, you will be fine! HSGs can be extremely uncomfortable and painful. If you've been through that, this is going to be a walk in the park." I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

The whole process was very similar to a pap smear. There was some pressure, but alhumdulillah, no pain. She was in and out with the job done in under 5 minutes. "I know, it's very anticlimactic," she told me with a chuckle. I couldn't have said it better myself.

She walked me through all the normal questions patients have after an IUI. I was allowed to resume normal activities as long as I felt up to it. She told me not to over exert myself and take it easy. She put a timer on then for 5 minutes and told me to lay back and relax. I'd be free to go once the timer rang.

My husband was walking up to the building as I got to the door to exit. He enveloped me in the biggest hug. He had been so worried and anxious but did well not to show it up until that point. I told him that he had done excellent, everything looked great, and now we just needed to wait. Sigh of relief, again.

I had made plans a few weeks prior to go to a waterfront and have lunch with some friends. At that point, we had not had our appointments scheduled out. Since we got done well before noon, I figured I could go home, shower, relax, and rest some before I made my way to meet up with them. I had a great time but I definitely think that I should have just taken it easy now.

. . . .

I spent all day today on the sofa, curled up, watching Netflix. I even attended my work meeting from the sofa, on my phone. For anyone that knows me, this was very out of character. But today, it had to be done. I've been feeling some cramping. But it feels almost like constant pressure. As if I'm gassy but it just won't pass.

Otherwise, I am doing well alhumdulillah. I am hopeful. I am trying my best not to worry and not to focus on it. I am eating when hungry. Staying in bed when tired. Not cooking or doing work if I don't need to be, and just taking it very very easy. The best advice I was given was to behave as if you are already pregnant because that is what your body will be trying to do. So while I have never experienced it before, I will not object to taking it easy. I am very glad that we chose to wait until I was done with the school year. It has made a huge difference and I am sure that the time I have to laze around and do absolutely nothing will prove to be beneficial as well.

Please continue to keep up with the thoughts and prayers for us as we wait out our two weeks. I return for follow-up blood work on June 22nd. I shall try to update and document as much as possible in the meantime. But I will tell you this, the progesterone makes me so tired. Not sleepy, though. I want to remain in bed, be fed good food, and asked not to do anything.

So far, so good.